I’m hurt. This is the indubitable reality that encumbers me at the moment. I’m hurt not because I bumped into something hard neither fell from a high place to the ground and got my bones broken. I’m hurt not because I cut my skin with something sharp and pointed. You can’t see me bleeding neither see me applying a hot or cold compress. You can’t see any bandage, stitch or splint in my body, but I feel like dying.

I am hurt because I was directly hit straight to my ego and heart, not by an ammunition nor an arrow neither was stabbed by a knife. I was hit by an invisible yet so strong, so sharp and pointed and so lethal power of frustration. Yes, you heard me right. Frustration! I am hurt because I am so frustrated neither with my work nor my boss, not with my friend or colleague nor with a certain responsibility. Rather, with two persons, myself and Sophie (not her real name). I am frustrated with us both.

Sophie is my girlfriend. We shared and weaved moments, passions and dreams together for more than 365 days of our lives. We ate, drank, sang, danced, laughed, wept and even slept together. We were both welcomed and acknowledged by each other’s families and friends. We became a fan of each other (pictures of her occupy big spaces in my mind, my heart, my room and my wallet). We were proud of each other that I thought nothing can stop us. Sophie filled my life with rainbows, butterflies and poetry. When she came into my life, almost all of my doubts and fears were turned into hope and strength. We were our most reliable ally and friend when things go wrong. Even distance and time can’t tear us apart. These things made me consider her as an angel on earth (I even made and essay for her about this...sobs). A year and a few days before I write this, my life is almost complete and exciting in spite of few petty quarrels and misunderstandings until yesterday…

Yesterday, hell opened its gates to me. All those rainbows, and butterflies were ashed- away and the ink for my poetry were dried up by the scorching fact I never imagined Sophie would do. Until now I couldn’t imagine that the angel whom I hope to fly with toward our dreams has pushed me and turned her wings away from me. Instead, she has chosen to grab the hand of someone she barely knows and fly away. I am not questioning her freedom of choice, but it hurts thinking am not the better one. She should have been more logical. I don’t want to elaborate this “choice” thing anymore. I prefer to keep it between God and myself this time. I just want you to know that my angel has fled and left me with a broken heart and shattered spirit. Just like everyone else, I don’t want a broken heart or a wounded soul, but this is what I have…again. I have been into this many times in the past and I thought that it won’t keep coming back to me anymore or I thought Sophie has fixed it permanently. She did not. Instead, she hammered my being into its minutest particle not the mightiest adhesive could ever mend. I am frustrated of me- I was deceived because i left myself unguarded. I want to blame myself for giving all my trust to Sophie and left myself with almost nothing. I hate seeing myself today desperately clawing on air for whatever optimism and possible self-medication life has to offer. As for now, I just can’t give her something I don’t have anymore. Starting this day, I will always spare something for myself in everything. I don’t want to remain in hell.

Speaking of sparing something for myself, life really has to be ironic sometimes. Sometimes we really have to believe in Alanis Morissette claiming we can be happy although we were broke. That sometimes life has a funny way of sneaking up on us and yet helping us out. And as for my case, being happy entails forgiveness. An apostle once asked Jesus on how many times must we exercise forgiveness and Jesus said “seventy times seven”. Somehow, too hard for me but as a Christian myself, I would even love to do more, to forgive more. Forgiving myself and Sophie 490 times would be an easy task, besides, Sophie has left a special mark in my life after all. And though I don’t consider myself as a true lover, at least I don’t want to sound hypocrite.

Today, my angel is still flying toward her dreams but not with me anymore. It hurts but I must be happy for her. All I ever want for her is to be free and soar anyway. In the other hand, here I am, back into my original world- the real world where the co-existence of mortals and angels is not a big issue but the meaning of existence itself.

I am hurt and I want to be totally happy. I don’t want ironies but only the truth. I know finding truth is an elusive quest. I know I have to take many roads and zigzags yet. I know I would still face many crossroads, bumps and mud holes and hell is just around but I don’t fret.  I still have many dreams to realize and their fulfillment cannot be found in the heavens alone but on Earth as well. I don’t care if I will break my bones or my heart again. I’m bringing some medicines this time. As for Sophie, thank you for everything and good luck. And whether humans and angels co-exist or not, or somebody will go with me or not, I will keep walking.

	1. 28-08-2008 20:59
	hmmmm i've read this caption...don't ever regret something that make's you smile...wondering why i said this???     well the time that you had with each other cannot be erased anymore its normal to feel hurt sino ba naman ang hindi but sabi nga di pa tayo pinanganak sa mundo naka ukit na ang kapalaran natin kaya mangyayari ang dapat mangyari kahit pa sabihin natin na bakit???     time will come the reason will be given to you just treasure the happy moments you had with her and start to gather the pieces of your life a lot of things is in stored for you just hold on and the one really meant for you is still out their.... Registered Report

MeTeam

	2. 29-08-2008 15:41
	ehem...ehem...ehem... nakakarelate aketch!AJA! fafa datz just keep on rockin! Registered Report

0o_alterego_o0

	3. 29-08-2008 17:15
	ehem...ehem...ehem... bhe datzzz normal lang man ya nga ma hurt ah...    someday mo meet mo gid si TOTAL HAPPINESS!!  Registered Report

bonch05

	4. 03-09-2008 01:14
	ehem...ehem...ehem... aguy aguy bah!! dapat sophie gid tana ang name..kasosyal bah!! well that is life as what i've said before we cant predict what happens next.. god has a purpose why all things happened...just keep on moving.. Registered Report

bhimzjo

	5. 09-09-2008 07:28
	ehem...ehem...ehem... waaaaa....it really sucks to be hurt that way but life has to go on. if you know you gave your best but still it happened, just remember, "all things work together for good". though it's hard to understand, just trust God's wisdom in allowing everything to happen coz He knows what's best for you. if you've done something wrong in that relationship, just learn from your mistakes and be a better person. be thankful that you're not married to her yet.imagine how it would feel if she was already your wife and she did what she did!!! man,i tell you...it could be worse! that's why you have a lot to be thankful about!! to forgive & trust again would take time but you'll get there...just learn to let go and use your pains to turn yourself into a better person...not bitter. THE BEST IS YET TO COME...i'm speaking through experience. THE BEST IS YET TO COME Registered Report

legalwife

	6. 26-09-2008 10:47
	ehem...ehem...ehem... as in oh my GOD.....dont wori, may kasama ka.... Registered Report

mai

	7. 30-09-2008 07:52
	Whatta heck!!! One can only attempt to explain or give reasonings as to why these things happen to people whether they be good or bad. I'm no expert, my view are develop through my own trial and tribulations in the matters of love. I have taken my love experiences as lessons learned and as I get older I've looked back on them and the unanswered questions I had back then have been answered and even if there are some unsawered ones left I know now that it's not my time to know and I'll probably figure it out later. When it comes to your many experiences in life, you gotta take the good and the bad. Live Learn Love....Repeat as needed lol Registered Report

sprakakZ_21

	8. 17-10-2008 23:58
	akun opinyon lang i can relate.. and it hurts like hell! now, wra run gid takun pag testing nga mag palangga liwat  sakit lang sa hart mabuol ko jan kara.. anyhow, i've been there, done that.. so pasalamat nalang  kita sa manami pero masakit nga mga ekspirensya ta.. time heals.. but my time hasnt come yet Registered Report

rosa_kamila

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